Other arguments I imagine the Fellowship having:

1) Pippin professes atheism, argues so persuasively he somehow manages to get GANDALF to second guess himself for a split second

2) “what if we put the Ring in a catapult & launched it into Mount Doom from a distance”: dismissed as a serious plan very quickly due to high margin for error but the argument simmers for several days as Gandalf refuses to concede that it would work in theory. (Pippin also started this one.)

3) Who Started It: Legolas or Gimli edition

4) Who Started It: Merry or Pippin edition

5) Who ate the last *insert food item here* I know it was one of your four FESS UP (one time it was actually Gandalf, he never fessed up)

6) Legolas is mad at Gimli but whenever anyone asks why he just says ‘the dwarf knows what he did’ (Gimli hasn’t a clue)

7) who made Sam cry??

8) Relative attractiveness of beards

       i dont want ‘who made sam cry to be a common argument’

       but to be fair he cries a lot

       so the others might not even have done anything deliberately

Somebody made Sam cry one (1) time early on & after that every time he cries the entire company starts slinging accusations like there’s no tomorrow

Further thoughts:

1) although Pippin started the catapult argument the ppl who keep it going are Frodo and Boromir (both of whom were momentarily 100% down with it until they realised what a horrible idea it would be in practice, ie miss & the Ring is just lying about in Mordor for any orc to grab)

2) the beard argument:

pro-beards: gandalf, aragorn, boromir, gimli, pippin

anti-beards: legolas, merry, frodo, sam

  it’s all fun and games till one of the hobbits calls beards ‘unsightly’ and Gimi shoots back ‘that’s a bit rich coming from someone with that much fOOT HAIR’ and after that it is fucking ON and once the dust settles certain people don’t speak to certain other people for like 3 days

Sam: *bursts into tears because idk he just does that sometimes*

Frodo: For fuck’s sake Sam just yesterday you were crying about snakes.

Sam, bawling: They don’t have any arms Mr. Frodo!

Pippin: isn’t a dragon a snake with arms

Sam: *thinks about that for a moment*

Sam: *bursts into tears all over again*

Frodo: sam please